spn-fandom-breathing-heavily:

westbor0baptistchurch:

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

image

not even risking that shit

Breathing. But not living.

Lately, I’ve noticed something about my life. There is not much I look forward to anymore. When I was little, I got excited for the simplest things: Not being able to sleep the night before going on a trip. Going to the mall to hang with friends was the coolest thing ever. Shooting baskets in your driveway with the hoop you begged your dad to buy for you. Looking forward to going out to lunch with your family after Sunday Mass. It was a simpler time.

Now, I just feel like all that wonder is gone. Maybe it’s just me, but I am not very fond of the life I am currently living. School takes up most of my mind and time. Friends become too busy to hang out with you. I do have a job, but I dread every day that I have to go. I am in college, but not entirely sure of what to do after graduation. Not to mention the financial hole my family will inevitably be in afterwards. Stress rules while living takes a back seat. Life has just become a number of days to me. But all around me, everyone’s lives are seeming coming together. I wonder “what am I doing wrong?” as I am left behind with memories of a better time and no knowledge of what to do next.

To cope, I hang out with my friends and talk to them all I can, trying to squeeze out every ounce of fun I can have with them. But they only have so much time and/or patience for me. Watching sports keeps me occupied for a while, but life and all its stresses barge right back in after those 9 innings, 2 halves or 4 periods of escape. I try to buy my happiness with designer clothes and fancy electronics, but all the Givenchy t-shirts and PlayStations in the world couldn’t fill the void of an empty-feeling life.

Of course, you don’t want anyone to see you feeling this way, so you put on the biggest smile you can muster. But this smile can only hold the dread at bay for so long. “What’s the point?” becomes a dangerously common question you ask yourself.